Excerpt from Universes - Get Your First Taste of Action.

Oh hai. *sits on your lap* :P

I've got quite an interesting post for you here.

I took it directly from my story. And it's really towards the start. I'm talking like the first few chapters. And you will be able to tell...

Because i haven't edited it one bit!

If i get some helpful feedback, i just may attempt a rewrite with the aim of making something decent... but it really doesn't matter. :)

So, just enjoy and laugh at me!



Stuff you should know:

A long time ago, Healthians invented a necklace that protects your soul, meaning that shadows couldn't just rip your soul from your body while you were wearing the necklace.

I was toying with the idea that shadows had the power to warp through rips in the ground, but later gave up on that. It's here in this scene because i never removed it, but ignore it. lol

I was also planning on making the shadow in this part a main character, but decided against that later on.

Marc and Neo are on a mission to find and rescue Zhetty, their Thoughtian team-mate, who disappeared while on patrol in the Heat World.

Right now they are crouching behind a rock, and Zhetty is on the other side with a foe.

As for the 'dark stream' towards the end... i don't even know what the hell that is! hahaha

That is all. :)



You will see lots of rookie mistakes, some awful dialogue, repetitive sentences and confusing crap. As well as the roots of storylines i was following but later abandoned.

If nothing else, i hope that by reading this you will see that i have improved as i have written more.

Here it is in all its glory...

Prepare to lol and cringe.

...

“…Okay. On my word, we peek over the top, alright?” Marc said.

“Okay,” said Neo.

“Now.”

“Oh crap.”

A shadow was standing over a bright body with silvery hair. The ground around it was littered with other shadows' bodies.

“At least we’ve found Zhetty," Marc said.

“What the hell is it doing? Do you think Zhetty’s still alive?”

“He’s probably dead. The shadow would have no reason to keep him alive. As for what it’s doing, it looks like it’s playing with his charm necklace.”

“What would it be doing that for? Shadow’s can’t even touch our necklaces.”

“I don’t know…”

“Please…” the body groaned.

“What the hell was that?” Marc asked.

“I think he’s still alive," Neo said. "We have to get in there.”

“No, wait! If we scare it, it might kill Zhetty and run. Let’s just see what happens.”



“Take… your sword…” Zhetty said.

“Your powers are weak now Thoughtian,” the Shadow hissed. “You may as well stop trying.”

“Stab… yourself… ungh…”

“You don’t listen well, do you Thoughtian?”

“Arr… Let me… go… and I will… spare… your… life…”

“Hah! Sure! Run along now!”

The Shadow bent down and leaned into Zhetty’s face.

“I’m going to figure out a way to get this necklace off you, and then I’m going to tear your body to shreds. It will be agony. And just before you finally taste sweet death, I’m going to eat your soul. There will be no wonderful afterlife for you.”



“We need to get in there!” Neo said hastily.

“You’re right," Marc said. "I’ll take care of the Shadow. You sneak around the rocks behind them and get Zhetty out of there as quickly as possible.”

“Okay.”

“Go now, and wait for me to jump down before you get in there.”

Marc held his sword close to his chest. Neo crawled around the rock wall, and waited behind Zhetty.

“Here goes…” Marc took a deep breath. Then he jumped over the wall.

“Hey! Shadow!” he yelled.

“Oh… Who’s this?" the shadow asked. "One of your friends, Thoughtian?”

“Marc…” Zhetty groaned.

“He didn’t do anything. Let him go," Marc said.

“You’re a Powerian… Good… I like the deep blue blood of that kind. It’s thick and clean and pure. And your souls are especially sweet.”

“Shut up you sicko. If that’s the way you want it, you’re gonna get it.”

Marc swung his sword around in his hand. The Shadow pulled a sword out from under its cloak as well. The handle was purple and the blade was black.

“Your sweet blood will coat this blade.”

“I am so sick of your voice.”

Marc lifted his sword above his head and jumped towards the Shadow. He swung it down and it met the Shadow’s sword with a clang. The Shadow hissed at him, so he punched it with his hand. The Shadow stumbled backwards, then it lifted up its hand.

“You have a strong body my friend. Is your heart strong as well?” it snarled.

The hand glowed black, the ground shook, and a dark stream poured out of the hand into Marc.

“Stay,” it laughed.

“… No. My heart is stronger than yours.”

Marc walked forward, swung his sword around and brought it down onto the Shadow’s hand. The Shadow screamed and jerked its arm in. The hand flew off as it did.

“I am no ordinary Powerian.”

“And I am no ordinary Shadow! You have made a powerful enemy my friend!”

The Shadow disappeared into a rip in the ground.

“Phew… Zhetty? Neo?” Marc asked.

“We’re here.” Neo said.

“I’m… so cold… Marc…” Zhetty groaned.

“You’ll be okay now. Let’s get out of here.”

“Marc?”

“What?”

“Thank you…”

...

ROFL good times. hahaha